Please Don't Go
by racheldinosaur
Summary: I was not weak. I was lost. He helped me find my way.


"Class, this is Castiel. He is new so I expect you all to make him feel welcome." The new guy kept staring at his feet. He looked uncomfortable. The guy, Castiel, he's wearing a large blue sweater and a clean pressed pair of khakis. He walks to the only empty seat in the room, which happened to be right next to mine. At this point I still didn't know exactly what the guy looked like, he wouldn't lift up his head.

The teacher went on with the lesson. I hate to admit it but I wasn't paying attention, at all.

"Hey, I'm Dean." Finally the guy lifted up his head. Castiel has the bluest eyes I have have ever seen, like ever. Like the ocean was somehow contained in his eyes.

"Hi." His head was down focusing on the paper in front of him. I took it as a sign he really didn't want to talk. The rest of the class was spent listening to the teacher go on and on about some dead white guys. It got old fast.

I didn't see him again until lunch. He was in a corner quietly eating his food. I had barely talked to this kid but he looked interesting. He didn't see me walking toward him so he jumped a little when I sat down across from him.

"Hey Castiel." I sounded out his name slowly hoping to pronounce it correctly. He just looked confused.

"Why are you here?"

"I don't know. You just were sitting alone, you looked like you could use some company." He just kept staring at me. It was a little odd but whatever. "So where did you go before you came here?" I tried to start a conversation.

"Jefferson." That was the closest school to their own.

"Oh cool. Why did you transfer?"

"It's none of your business." He was a little rude, I was about to leave but his sleeve rolled up a bit to reveal some red lines. Dean knew what those were instantly. He didn't notice that I noticed, he just kept eating his cafeteria pizza.

"Okay fine." He held his hands up in surrender. I tried to get as much information as I could out of him. He was a tough nut to crack.

The rest of the day went by fast. I had two other classes with him and I made sure to sit by him in each one.

I tried to find him after the final bell rang but he already left.

He was less talkative the next day and when I went to lunch I couldn't find him. I still sat by him in the classes we had together.

Things went like this for a month. I occasionally tried to talk to him but he usually brushed me off but he seemed to be opening up more. I never saw him hanging around anyone, he was always alone.

He saw Cas walking along the rode on Friday. Sam was at some nerd club thing that met after school.

"Hey Cas! Do you need a ride." He stopped walking as I pulled up next to him.

"I'm fine." He continued to walk.

"Come on, man. It's like 30 degrees out here." It was that time of year where the weather was either unusually warm or unusually cold. It was freezing today. I saw him stop, he looked like he was thinking. Then he walked toward the passenger door of my baby.

"Where to?" His cheeks and nose were rosy from the cold, he looked beautiful.

"My home." He told me where to turn and I followed his directions. It took ten minutes to get to his house. It would have been about half and hour by foot.

"Hey Cas? Are you busy tonight?" He had the most confused expression on his face when he looked at me.

"Why would you care if I was busy."

"I don't know. I mean... I was wondering if you wanted to do something?"

"Like what?"

"There is this diner down town that makes the best burgers, I could take you." The confused look remained on Castiel's face through the whole conversation.

"Dean, are you asking me out on a date?"

"No, I- Yeah, I am." There was no point in trying to hide the fact that I wanted to date Cas.

"You don't want to date me." I was confused at this point. What kind of response was that?

"Why not?"

"Because... I'm a freak."

"No your not."

"You don't even know me." It was somewhat true that I didn't know much about him at this point but he didn't seem like a freak.

"I want to know you." I really did. I was just drawn to this guy for some reason.

"No you don't." Cas crossed his arms, I could see him getting shrinking on himself.

"Listen Cas, I... I saw the marks on your wrist." His eyes got so big.

"Pull over. I want to get out." He looked uncomfortable. I didn't stop the car. "Pull over Dean."

"I'm going to pull over but you have got to let me tell you something first." I waited for a response and saw him nod his head. "Okay, please don't leave yet." I stopped the car on the side of the road.

"What are you going to tell me. Are you going to tell me to stop because I won't it helps me."

"I... I won't tell you to stop but..." I was mapping out what I was going to say in my mind. "My best friend used to hurt herself. I never even knew." It still was a hard subject for me. She had been gone for two years but I don't think I will ever be over it.

"What happened to her." I knew I needed to tell Cas this. He did seem concerned.

"She..." This was going to be harder than I thought. "She killed herself two years ago." Cas was frozen.

"I never want anyone to feel like that. To want to hurt themselves." I kept my eyes on Cas. "To end their life. I want you to be happy. I don't know if I can make you happy but I can sure as hell try." I tried not to think about how girly I sounded but I needed to say it.

We sat in silence for about five or ten minutes. It felt like an eternity.

"I have the pills. I was going to do it soon." He was starting to cry, I moved to place a hand over the arm where I knew there were scars.

"I want you to know I would miss you, Cas, so much. I don't want you to go. Can you promise me you will stay." He was wiping at the wetness on his face when he spoke again.

"I don't understand why you care so much." I didn't either.

"Because your perfect." At this point I was just waiting to magically grow a vagina. "and you can't convince me you're not."

"I think I would like to go on a date with you." I didn't let him go home. He complained for a little bit then stopped when I took him to the lakefront. There is this lake that is a half hour drive out. I found this perfect spot. There is a clearing and a bunch of trees. I usually come out here when I want to clear my mind. I thought Cas would like it, and he did.

"I promise."

* * *

_One and A Half Years Later_.

I am in love with Dean Winchester. I have been for a long time. He saved me and I saved him, quite literally. The idiot decided it was a good idea to fall out of a window. (On accident, it's a long story.) Thank God I was there or he would have bled to death. He got out of it with a large scar on his stomach and a broken arm but other than that he was okay. I can call him an idiot now but then I was so scared of losing him, I hate to admit it.

But I understand, what it's like to almost lose some one you love. I never took those pills. I gave them to Dean and he got rid of them. Though, I do relapse every once in a while I am getting better. Dean has helped my in a way I didn't know I needed.

All it took was one person to turn my life around. Just one person that chose to love me. This one person is the reason I am alive today. It's not that I was weak, I was just lost.

We do visit Joanna's grave occasionally. I never knew her but Dean always tells me things about her. I wish I would have know her today.

My grades went up after Dean and I made it our mission to gradate and we did it together. We both will be attending KU in the fall.

_Four years later_.

I still have a summer session left but Dean has already graduated and now has a job in a mechanics shop near our apartment. He also proposed. I said yes.

Dean's mother cried when we told her. She was so overwhelmed with happiness. I might of seen a tear in John's eye too when he hugged us. Sam, who had grown taller than both Dean and I, was over joyed when Dean asked him to be his best man.

The wedding was small, It was a little hard when only two of my siblings came. Though I am very glad they did. I have been in contact with them for a while. The middle sibling, Anna, moved out when I was beginning middle school. I rarely saw her. Gabriel insisted on walking me down the isle. I really didn't feel like arguing so I let him.

I wore a white tux and Dean wore a black one. He looked amazing, just like he always does. The ceremony was lovely and the reception was fun. Our first dance was to Earth Angel. Which may or may not have been to due to our love for Back to the Future. It was perfect.

_Three Years Later._

It was hard for me to put her to sleep so Dean took over that job. He hummed classic rock and for some reason it worked. She wasn't very old, just a few months so she did keep us up late some nights but it was worth it she was perfect.

Joanna Beth Winchester-Novak is a beautiful baby. She was walking and talking at nine months, she was only crawling for a day until she was waddling all around the house.

Joanna reminds my why I am alive. She and Dean are everything to me. It has been a year since I purposefully hurt myself and lately I don't find myself thinking about it or wanting to do it.

I finished my first novel. It is doing very well.

_53 Years Later._

"I can't believe he is gone." He has been gone a week, It has broken my heart and his own. We knew it was coming but it was still hard to believe. He had barely survived the heart attack he had a month ago. It was just a matter of time.

"He is in a better place papa." At 56 years old Joanna still called her papa. She grew into an amazing woman, giving Dean and I three wonderful grand children. One just got married, one graduated collage and the other high school.

"But he's not with me." He would be the one to go first after making me promise not to leave first.

"I miss him too, papa."

"You will be okay, right? If I-" The scars on his arms where still there just so faded and mixed into his wrinkles.

"Yeah. Papa, I miss him so much but can you promise not to go too." She sounded so much like Dean.

"I would never think of it. I promise to stay for as long as I can."

As long as I can turned out to be a year. It was horrible to spend a life time with someone then, knowing they're gone, spend just one year with out them. I could feel it coming. All the family was preparing for it. I wasn't looking forward to it but I knew Jo could live on and so the rest of my family.

I went to sleep one night, not knowing it was my last. I didn't feel anything, just my heart stopped and life went of me. It didn't hurt.

Then I was standing in clearing of trees near a lakefront facing Dean who looked the same as he did on our wedding night.

"It took you long enough."

* * *

A/N:

I cried writing this story but I needed to write it. I know not many people will see this but to the ones that are reading this: it only takes one person. I wrote this story from experience. Though the real life event it was based off of was not a love story, it was a friendship. One simple person that decided to give a shit saved my life. She is my best friend and even though she doesn't know the extent to which she helped me, I still consider her my hero. I put this line in the story and summary: I was not weak, I was lost. I think this explains depression and the want to hurt yourself, I have heard this something along thing line said before: you are not weak you have just been strong for too long. People need to realize this.

I also want to talk about scars. They are not always physical, they are not always carved into your arms or stomach but in you heart. Things that happen in life can hurt you, whether it is a paper cut or some one calling you a fat-ass. The latter can cause pain in the victim without anyone even knowing it's there. This pain can push people farther off the path and do things with out displaying warning signs.

So I just ask you to please help the lost, be a friend. You could potentially save a life and that is always worth doing. Also even if you don't like a person, they are mean to you I know it is hard but try not to insult them. Even if they deserve it. Just realize that their path could run along a cliff and all it would take was one simple push to have them be lost forever.

One last thing before I am done. Never make fun of some one for being different than you. This one should be obvious.


End file.
